Christian have Thanks Giving on the Christmas eve. For the end of this year, I have my thank giving speech in my heart too. I was being so naive and lost for the previously, and until 22th Dec, I have a big realisation of myself.
This year is the most exciting year for me, I am going to miss 2010 :) New approach to jobs, fun exciting experience, people, and hinders in life too!
This year, I changed a lot without realising. I lost my own personalities too. I was being misted by all the unrealistic stuff, as I used to ask myself not to be into them. Somehow, I lost in direction, turned into so pathetic and childish. When I look back myself in past, I feel so funny with myself.
Is jobs really so important to me? I mean freelance jobs. Yes, money is important to me, but not until the extent that I am so into it and dying to want for it. If it is mine, then it is. If it is not, no point of making big issues about it.
Look at some freelancers around me, I suddenly have some realisation. They are so into it, and are so dying to get any single jobs that they could. Will even call up the agent to ask for the job position even the job is not offered to them. Not about money, I can see from them. It is all about FAME, aren't it? Young girls chasing for unrealistic stuff. Wearing unique uniform, snapshot and show it to friends around. But then she revealed that all those jobs she was just working as replacement. Is that what we want? Want others to have a glance on us and said: whoahh! Her life is fun! Duhh.. Sound funny right? I used to be one of them. Just hope they would awake one day.
Few weeks ago, I shared my story to Des and Gab during our yumcha session. They asked me, "So what lesson have you gained from this incident?" That point of view, I was still been misted by my fantasy world. I told them, "I gain nothing!" I don't even know where is the problem come from. I went on depression because of jobs and everything, and I feel that is nothing wrong. Now I look back myself, I feel so funny!
I lost something precious because of choose to live in the young girls' fantasy world. From pictures it looks so glamour, fun and exciting. But in fact, do people know it is all so empty? Life is just so funny..
Just in one day, I have got a big realisation. I understood I should be the original me that I used to be last time. Work for decent jobs just for the sake of extra pocket money, with a conscious mind too! High pay should not buy away my own personalities..
31st Dec I have got a job offer. High pay but with sexy attire. End up, I turned down the job and go for another job which offer RM150 lesser but with decent uniform. Sometimes money doesn't mean everything. Higher pay but lost your own personalities, end up you might lost something even more precious. Do satisfy with our current situation, and choose jobs with conscious mind.
Yesterday, I visited Cannought night market. It reminds me of him again, sigh. That was long long ago, when I was still not into him. Vivian and her bf is going for OUG night market, and I would not like to be their lightbulb. So I messaged him, and he replied YES. Again and again, everything just flashed over in my mind. Even I choose for specs, it reminded me about him again. I don't know since when I am already so into him.
It is pain though. This is the process of letting go, and it hurts a lot. Went to chill in Beer Factory yesterday too. Thanks for my dearest who spent their time to accompany me. Don't be silly and try to make myself drunk. It won't change the fact, I will still need to face it. Don't worry my friends.. Pain is part of the process. Even how sad am I, I have never expect that he will turn back for me. What I need is just time. Cheers :)
For 2009, I feel that I have gain nothing, not even any maturity. Just a big lesson from my ex, as choosing boyfriend must be very careful and everything. Never made another wrong decision like last time.
It goes the same for my 2010. I felt I gain nothing even how many times I have fell. Until 2 days ago, a big realisation for me. I suddenly feel that I should see things in different views. I was being over stubborn for everything. I look so funny in the past, people around me do think the same thing I think. At least, now I am also one of them who laugh at myself last time. At least this shows some realisation of myself.
Sometimes, being over stubborn might cause us to lost something precious in our life. Have clear aim and fight for it is a good thing, but in the meanwhile being contented would let you sustain whatever that you have which is precious. So please appreciate it before it is too late :)
Thanks to my mum for being understanding in my life. I love you always
Thanks to VivianC for being my best best friend whenever I need you. The BEST BEST buddy!
Thanks to my true FRIENDS around that help me a lot and give advise whenever I am lost ;)
Thanks to Him for letting me realise that I have lost the original me, and being underneath in my own fantasy world. All the best to you :)
Thanks to everyone in my life for cheering me up whenever I am down and everything.
Thanks for the criticize and laughing which lead to my realisaton.
Thanks that I have gone up another level with a different point of views of life. I will love myself more, and appreciate everything that I have. Stay HUMBLE is the key! And be the Original ME~
New year is coming, a warm welcome to new life.
2011 -- New Challenge coming ;)
