I worked like mad for the last weekend. Trying hard to fill up all of my time so that I will not have time to think about him. But yet, I failed. He bumped into my mind every single moment when ever my mind go blank.
I worked for Federation-D (Asia Drift) Launching Street Party, Formula Drift, pay shoot and Smint last weekend. Even Monday, I am working for Mohawk (Car Audio) Product Launching. Working non-stop and I have no time to rest at all. I should be feeling happy, as I am now more into event about motorshow. But am I really happy? I am feeling so empty with all these.
Karena was asking whether I am feeling blue recently last week, but I just smile and said no. Until yesterday, we get to chatted again, and I shared out all my feelings to her. She claimed that she found me different as last time when she know me during Avira. I used to be a cheerful girl with my laugh smile all the time, she claimed. And recently I am not.
Last Saturday night, I was working with Smint. Reached Pavillion and waiting for the others. While waiting, Pavillion was just started to snow. I was alone, standing out there, staring at the snow. It looks so beautiful.. What a Christmas, and I am feeling so blue. I miss him so much while starring at the snow. Tears dropped unintentionally.
Justin then suddenly appeared in front of me! Gosh! He saw my tears. He said he saw me from far away, observe me staring at the snow and looked so blue. I quickly wiped off my tears and smile at him. In such a crowd I was crying alone and been seen by my friend. Sigh..
I shared to few of my friends. I feel like quitting event line. I feel so empty even how far I have gone. Guys look at me, even fall into me just because of I am an event girl. I missed the time when I was just a promoter, and he was so into me. Offered me a ride back and purposely waited me even how late it was. Am still considering this question.. As I am feeling so empty with what I am having right now.
Just got myself free to blog, and there is a pass-by asking me this question. "If you found your true love, and he want you to quit all your event jobs that with less attire, just normal wear. Or even quit all of your jobs and just only be his girl, will you?" I was already considering quitting my event jobs before you have throw me out this question. My answer is, YES, I AM WILLING TO IF HE IS REALLY MY TRUE LOVE. I am willing to give in if it is worth. Will just work for normal event, as promoter or whatever. No point showing your body and you end up having nothing.
I asked Gen, is it possible to fight back for your love by trying to go after him? Gen told me, as a guy has decided to give up, no matter what you have done, you will not get anything in return. I am so afraid to know the truth. I have got no guts to drop him any sms. I was keep thinking what actually I have done wrong and so on. I am FAIL.
He used to tell me, "Your sms won't get me annoyed." But I think that was past.. My sms now would not cheer his day up anymore. Who to blame? Blame myself for not having guts to message guys. Blame my passiveness. Blame myself for not being brave enough to fight for my bliss.
I know it is too late for everything..
I still miss him every single moment.
I am FAIL.
