Traumatic Day

Yesterday early in the morning 6am, I was awake by my mum. She was screaming! I knew there is something not right. I rush out from the room and ask my brother what's going on. And my bro replied me that my dad been robbed and been attacked. I was still not that afraid when I heard that, until i saw my dad whole body in BLOOD! His head keep bleeding non stop and shocked me! My mum threw me the car key and I quickly drive the car out. Then, along with my mum's accompanion, I drove my dad to the General Hospital which is the nearest one to my house. I was driving like a mad person! Even ignored the red light! I am so damn relief that he was still conscious even been attacked by hammer for so many times!

The asshole robbers attack my dad by using hammer and hit his head straight when he approached my dad. Even my dad ask him to take everything and stop hurting him, they still don't care! DAMN IT MAN! End up my dad's head been hammered more than 15 times, and he broke his left hand's bone! His head went for 27 stitches, and it's so damn painful! I was awake early in the morning, sent him to hospital, and accompany him until 9 stg am, then my sis came and replace me as I need to rush to work. The whole day I was so damn worry, felt so uneasy! When I imagine how he was attacked, this make me feel like crying! I did not cry at all, because I know I will need to be strong. And I should be glad that he is still conscious and able to move around. That night was the first night that Vivian staying overnight at my house, and happened such issue. I felt so sorry that I didn't get to accompany her but busy with my dad's stuff. Sighh..

This is the first time I am caring for my dad. Used to hate him due to what he had done to us last time. I never care for him, never talk to him, even never give a damn to keep him update that where am I going. All the time I only care for my mum, and I hate him a lot. But after so many years, at least I start to release and start to accept. Until this issue happened, only I start to play my role as a daughter. I help him to change his clothes, wipe off his blood and everything. Even help him to cut his nails. I felt so damn heartache to see him in such condition. I felt so helpless to see him in injury.

Sighh.. Life is always so fluctuating, Up and Down. I'm feeling so down now. Down with such issue happened to my dad, worrying about his condition and everything. Also, I feel so lost in direction.

When I tried to share, it's hurt that the only one that I am willing to share replied me with only ghost gonna trust my word. Sigh. So, really only ghost will trust my word? Well.. Think so.. As me myself also don't know how trustable my word is now.

I am feeling lost now, and acting evil too. Entertain those that I shouldn't, and over the limit. Out of control when I heard the tears voice. Giving advise and comfort which beyond the position. I knew I shouldn't, but still i did it. Such an evil me!

Is it only couple will listen to you patiently? And only couple can give fully attention and forgiveness to each other?
I felt lonely, and lack of something. Don't feel like getting a boyfriend now. But is that only the boyfriend can give in whatever that others couldn't? Cares and understanding.. I still not yet met my Mr Right, and how long more I will need to endure for life which is lack of something? Sighhh... Life is sucks for me now.. Hopefully I can get rid of my down period asap..

SAD =(